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Parenthood Poem of the Day | Samantha Reynolds | Bent Lily | MomCave LIVE

• Samantha Reynolds

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Poet Samantha Reynolds on how she has tricked herself into being a more present mother and also how she has used poetry as a way of documenting little moments.
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Visit www.bentlily.com  to see more of Samantha's Poetry 
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Jen: Welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I am Jen and our guest today is Samantha Reynolds. And she's gonna pop on the camera any second. Hi, Samantha.

Samantha Reynolds: Hello. Hi, Jen.

Jen: Are you a SAM or Samantha?

Samantha Reynolds: I'm totally a Sam. Yeah, I'll clean my room if you call me Samantha.

Jen: Good. I want to be like, you know, casual. So I felt like Sam is much more than smart, casual. Cool. Okay, so. So if you don't know who Sam is, she goes by the nom de plume- Is that how you say it? The very fancy way of saying her writer's name.  Her name is Bent Lily on Instagram. And despite being a mom like the rest of us and having a real job and everything, Sam writes a poem every single day for how many years now?

Samantha Reynolds: Well, I can count because my son's 12. So yeah, 12 years. Holy...

Jen: Holy moly. Okay. That's there's so much to unpack there. And I can't wait to do it. Janice said hello from the Bronx. Hey, hello, Janice. If you have any questions for Sam, just pop them in the comments, and I will read them out loud. So, Sam, okay, tell me about when did poetry start?

Samantha Reynolds: So I was given advice. I don't know if you remember this, but I was get advice when I was pregnant. Like this first year of you being a mom, and this first year of your new baby's life. It's so fleeting, like it's gonna fly by, before you know it, it'll be gone. And really,it might be hard, but like, really try to savor it. Because, you know, before you know it, you know, this little like infant phase will be over. And I was on deck for it. Like I'd you know, I've been reading, doing yoga. I was like, ready, I was like, I'm gonna meditate my way through this, I'm really going to be observing. Sorry, I'm--

Jen: I'm laughing at you after you.... Go on.

Samantha Reynolds: And then you know, like it was it actually in some ways, it wasn't... He was a pretty good sleeper. ........

--Read the rest at: https://www.momcavetv.com/parenthood-poem-of-the-day

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Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Welcome to Mom Cave live where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I am Jen and our guest today is Samantha Reynolds. And she's gonna pop on the camera any second. Hi, Samantha.

Samantha Reynolds:

Hello. Hi, Jen.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Are you a SAM or Samantha?

Samantha Reynolds:

I'm totally a, Sam. Yeah, I'll clean my room if you call me Samantha.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Good. I want I want to be like, you know, casual. So I felt like Sam is much more than smart, casual. Cool. Okay, so. So if you don't know who Sam is, she goes by the nom de plume. Is that all you said? The very fancy way of saying her right. Her name is Bent Lily on Instagram. And despite being a mom like the rest of us and having a real job and everything, Sam writes a poem every single day for how many years now?

Samantha Reynolds:

Well, I can count because my son's 12. So yeah, 12 years. Holy,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

holy moly. Okay. That's there's so much to unpack there. And I can't wait to do it. Janice saying hello from the Bronx. Hey, hello, Janice. If you have any questions for Sam, just pop them in the comments, and I will read them out loud. So, Sam, okay, tell me about when did poetry start?

Samantha Reynolds:

So I was given advice. I don't know if you remember this, but I was get advice when I was pregnant. Like this first year of you being a mom, and this first year of your new baby's life. It's so fleeting, like it's gonna just like it's, you know, before you know it, it'll be gone. And really, like it'll be it might be hard, but like, really try to savor it. Because, you know, before you know it, you know, this little like infant phase will be over. And I was on deck for it. Like I'd you know, I've been reading yogi, I was like, ready, I was like, I'm gonna meditate my way through this, I'm really going to be observing Sorry, I'm

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

laughing at you after you. Go on.

Samantha Reynolds:

And then you know, like it was it actually in some ways, it wasn't he was a pretty good sleeper. Like, it wasn't hard in the ways I expected. I know, for it to be hard. It was just so much more tedious than I expected. And I was really like It made me really sad. Because I was like, like, I'm not, this isn't grueling. It's just kind of boring. Right? And, and then I thought, well, maybe there's like another way to, I don't know, to, like, make the best of this, this this time. And for me, as a writer, if I'm, if I'm writing, I'm observing. And I thought if I like if I take time to, like slow down in some ways, rather than just like administering to this new little person. Like maybe there's some wonder like, in the mix of kind of all the sameness of like, day after day. Yeah. And I thought maybe I'll journal and then I thought, that seems sort of like a amorphous and I thought, oh, maybe I'll just write like one short poem every day about whatever. And it'll kind of like hone in my observing instincts again. And it was really beautiful. It was this really like, and I didn't, and I still don't really put a ton of pressure on myself to, you know, I'm writing a poem every day. So like, I'm not expecting any one poem to be a Pulitzer Prize winning piece of work. It's just like, it's a way being creative. It's a way of like noticing the little details that otherwise would just be missed. And it, it makes it also makes me see humor in situations that otherwise I mean, I still get irritable, like we all do, but but sometimes, like, instead of losing my mind, sometimes I'm like, this is actually hilarious. And I'm sort of in the moment more. So yeah, so I just kept going, I just never stopped there. So

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

okay, I have a lot to say about that. First, I want to say Instagram people, I hear you, they say they can hear me, but not Sam. Oh, I can't hear Sam. And she's going to try to adjust something. But if that doesn't work, go over to facebook.com/momcaveTV, and we're also streaming there. And we're also on YouTube slash momcave.

Samantha Reynolds:

All right. I turned my volume back on,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

let's say just turn it off.

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah, that's,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

that's the word I will say. So first of all, I listened to another interview with you earlier today, you know, to do my homework, and you used a great phrase you said it helps you find the magical and the mundane. And that's like that is the epitome of motherhood. I gotta tell you, because it feels, yeah, the days feel so mundane, but it's also the most magical thing in the world that you have another human that you are you are rasing to be an adult human. Right? So that's huge. But okay, Instagrams, good now they're all good. Okay, so we can concentrate on the nitty gritty here. All right, so, um, when did you? How, how this is the question, how, how did you write a poem every single day, especially in those early times with a baby?

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah, um, you know, I like, not very, like romantically. So I didn't like, I don't have a quill, I don't have like a beautiful moleskin journal. I have my, I have my phone with me, like, all times, basically. And so as I and, this is still true, like, as I'm going about my day, or something will catch my eye. And I'll just like, I have little notes folder on my phone. And I'll just, like write a few things down in my phone. And then for me, I'm a bit of a night owl. And so it was always, like, the longest stretch of sleep was usually at night for the kid. And so I would, I would, like I'd put him down. And then I would just like very ergonomically, like, awkward position, I would just like open my laptop, wherever I was sometimes, like, in, you know, his room or wherever. And I would just like punch out a poem. And it was really about the act of didn't, like, I didn't sweat over it, it was like, yeah, 15 or 20 minutes, like it was really the act of and it didn't share them at all. At the beginning, either. It was really just like, I only started sharing them because I needed to be accountable to like somebody a friend, my friend, Keith, who was like, create a little blog, and he showed me how to do it. And he was like, all just be like, you're like, Oh, I'll check your like homework assignment make sure you like. Yeah, it was just for him as like my first reader, and then, and he was like, Yo, Sam, these are really beautiful. You should. And so he helped me like, share them a bit more broadly. And then. And then it became this beautiful kind of public expression of creativity and a little bit of like, I mean, I don't share everything, I am mindful that I am writing about my kids and my husband. And so there's, I share a lot but I'm I'm mindful not to share absolutely everything but at least something every day.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, it's so nice that you make what is. So it's an art form. And a lot of people might have different art forms that they do not poetry, maybe someone here or paints or knits or whatever you do dances. So many times when we become a mother, our art form is like the first thing to go. Because nobody thinks of this as essential, right? And you have found a way to keep it? But also like, I don't have to imagine like you said, you don't have a quill. When I first heard poet I'm thinking you're like, up in a tower somewhere writing these things about like, despair. And motherhood isn't often the most, you know, poetry friendly thing. Everybody kind of thinks again that it's mundane, but you've found a way to make this work and to bring this art to your everyday life. So would you mind reading one of your poems for us? Yeah. Okay, this one I really identify with and and I must think it's, it's her poems are very, very varied. Is that a thing you can say very varied in style and subject in length, and I picked a couple of short ones, which you could check out the hazards of rushing around. I feel that today,

Samantha Reynolds:

okay. Yeah, so hilariously, I have to leaving because I do not have my glasses. So I'm gonna do my best. If I can actually get this on my screen. So short one the hazards are rushing around. She rushes around, but not like a chicken without a head. She is more efficient and dangerous. This is a train fendering past her own life without a driver.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Nice. So many of us can identify with that. We're all rushing around. And there's not only does it make you like exhausted crazy stressed out and feel like you're failing and everything. When I say you, I mean me everyone may feel that way. But it also there's also like this power in it sometimes to like, well, I'm rushing around because I am doing all the things and I am doing them like it sucks, but they're getting done. And I'm the person in charge of the doing of all the things so theres Like a power in that?

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah. Yeah, no, for sure. And there is, you know, I'm, I'm, like, mindful of making sure the poem in some ways isn't one more item on my to do list. Like, that's the other piece. And so for me, I guess the other, like, the other aspect of this is that the poem is, I do love to write and so and the act of creating something everyday is really, like it is really fulfilling, it's a it's a part of my identity, I really enjoy it. But the, the the way that it kind of torques, my way of being in a day to be more observant is actually the point like that is the point and, and that's not really a that's, like blissfully not an item on a to do list that gets checked off. It's kind of I mean, like, I'm, like, no Zen master, like going about my life in like, you know, harmony with everything. But it like, it raises my frequency, like even a little so that I am just like less brittle in the world and more in it. Yeah, it is. Because otherwise, yeah, I also run a company, you know, life is busy. And so I don't want the poem to fall prey to that kind of hazards of rushing around.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Right? I love to picture you writing the poem in on different days. So a quiet day of in fact, you know, a day where you're like, Oh, my God, all I want, my eyes are closing, I'm gonna fall asleep. Like I want to write the poem. I want to do it. I like to picture that. I have a question about what is the weirdest like place or circumstance that you were in and wrote the poem like you wrote, you didn't have something to write on? And you wrote it somewhere, or you're in a bizarre location, and you had to do your poem? Oh,

Samantha Reynolds:

I would say Mmm Hmm, good question. I, I wrote a poem. This is a little bit. So I wrote a poem when I really should have been listening to a speaker which feels like a bad thing to do, because I also am a speaker and I would feel insulted if someone was like multitasking. But I did do that. Like like furtively like cable. Let's see, I I have written a lot of poems. So the bathroom is the only room in our house that locks so I'd like pretended to need to use the bathroom. Yeah. Yeah. Many poems written in our bathroom. As the kids get older, too, and like they fall asleep later than I do sometimes. I have less of that. Like sacred time at nights Yeah. Yeah. Bathroom poems. Have I written a poem in a public bathroom? Maybe? Maybe?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I think you should compile a book of just called bathroom poems. Yes. Just the bathroom ones.

Samantha Reynolds:

There are poems about bathroom things, too. Like, yeah, there's,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

that brings me to something I wanted to ask you about? Because on momcave we never shy away from bathroom things. Anyway, right? What should we have videos about in all of it? Um, and again, you guys, if you want to comment and ask them a question of your own, please throw it in the comments. I'm watching them. Um, I heard that you wrote a poem about your son's fascination and demanding to see a used tampon. Oh, yeah. I don't have to poem here. Or I'd make you like act it out. Do artistic dance and what's it called? Interpretive, whatever, but you're gonna tampon? Yeah, interpretive tampon dancing would definitely go over on Momcave Live next time. Totally. Tell me about that.

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah, so um, you know, every once in a while, like I try to be, I try to be, you know, honest in what I write about. But I'm a I'm a like, I'm a bit of a people pleaser, like and so I don't love like, and I really don't have the nicest community of readers. So I really don't like get the hate back ever. But I was like, oh, like, I wonder if I'm gonna get judged if I share this. So it was one of the ones it was one of the moments that I wrote a poem about and I really did deliberate like should I share this or will people really like flag me? Right? And it was basically that my son God, he would have been like seven or something at the time. And, and I was like behind our bathroom or locked bathroom door. I'm changing my tampon and he asked if he could come in. I was like no bubsy, and I'm just, I'm busy. I've got my period. And I need a moment. And he was like, Well, can I see it? And I was like, why wouldn't I say yes to this? I can my ashamed? Is it weird? Is it too intimate? Is it like it appropriated? Or is it actually really, like the wrong thing to cultivate in him, like a disgust about something that's totally natural. And so like, you know, I had like, 40,000 thoughts going on at once. And then I just, I was, like, you know, I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna go with my instinct here. And I'm going to show it to him. And I did. And he was written in the poem. Ya know, he was like, Really, you kind of matter of fact, was, like, sort of looks like a, like, a half eaten. And I was, like, fair. And then and then he was like, you know, like, just moving along with his, like, he asked to see something. I showed it to him. He moved along, and then I wrote, and then I shared the poem in the end, and it was such a beautiful moment, because I got this like, swell of just like, ah, you know, like, thanks for sharing that. And that was like what you did, and I got none of what I was, like, afraid of which was like, You're a disgusting person. And, like, you should be locked away. I get none of that.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

You must have the best followers ever. Because? Every once in a while, yes, um, but I think you did the right thing. Because you don't want to hide things from children. There's nothing to be ashamed of. You don't want them to have like a sense of gross shamelessness about something that's so natural, right? Yeah. Yeah, my mom was really good about that. Like, I don't remember learning about a lot of like, the first time having a talk because she was always just so open. Which some of my friends think is weird and disgusting, but it worked for us. Yeah. I'm someone on a we have Ronnie saying I love the kids don't have the same cultural social judgments that adults do. That is very true. Hi, hi, they're taught that thing. I was just I had a comment up on the screen, I'll put it up again, this is the URL if you wanted to find the poem about a tampon. I kind of love saying that. So check it out. Um, I had a moment in public like that with my son. And he was like three or four. And we were in a very crowded CVS and Manhattan, there was a line of people behind me probably 20 people behind me, and we're checking out at the checkout, and I had like three items, and one of them happened to be a box of tampons. And as I pushed it towards the cashier, my child said in the loudest point voice possible to the cashier there for her, butt it was like, well, close. Um not exactly, but he did. And the people are like laughing and it was humiliating, but also now one of my favorite memories with my son because to him, it wasn't like anything to be embarrassed about. It was kind of interesting to him like wow, right. Yes, you know, during can educate them to the exact

Samantha Reynolds:

That reminds me my son when I was pregnant with my daughter, he would have also been about three and, you know, I put on like a healthy amount of weight. I was pregnant. And he saw me getting into the shower, and he looked at me kind of from behind and he was like, Mama, also pregnant in your bum. No,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

no. Yeah, yeah.

Samantha Reynolds:

Good question, but yeah, it

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

was a kid. Yeah, totally. We have a question for you from Mikaela. Do your kids enjoy your poems? Do you have a favorite kid or poem, Mikaela? I think she'd be poem

Samantha Reynolds:

yeah, you know, they're, they do like, they do like the they like me to sometimes read my poems when they have friends over like poems that are about them. Yeah, which is super sweet. And they feel I think they're 12 and nine right now, so they still feel kind of like, like a bit excited and honored. I think when like I read a poem about them, and they'll sometimes be like, oh, mom, that's total poem moment. Maybe like I actually don't know always what's going to come out and I don't like I said, I try not to sweat over it because like, I really wouldn't get it done if I if I like, made it a big like, Ah which I read about today. So sometimes they're like, Oh, like that was That was classic and you like, it didn't morph into a poem and they feel a bit insulted but so for now they I'm aware, you know, as they like, move in their teenage years, you know, they might come down and just say like no more poems about me and that's okay. Like they, they for sure I know. And I share some photos, you know, on my Instagram of them because again, the community of family leaders just seems to. Yeah, they're just they kind of just love getting to know us as a family, I think a little bit without it being any weird sort of reality weirdness. Not like the Kardashians

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

do. Yeah,

Samantha Reynolds:

we're like, the so not that. Interesting. But, um, but yeah, they may decide they don't want me to write about them. And that's that, that will be okay. And, yeah, the question of Do I have a favorite poem? I don't. I have the poem that's behind me. It's not, it's not necessarily my favorite poem. I do love it. But it's meaningful to me. It doesn't have anything to do with parenting, but it's meaningful, because so many people have just done really beautiful things with it like it was. It was made into a short film. Many, many, many, like Countless people have read it. Ask for permission to read it at funerals and wow. Like, just really like weepy bawling, ugly cry experience.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

What is that one called? So I can read it afterwards?

Samantha Reynolds:

Oh, yeah. It's called I am not old.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Oh, my God, I need to read that right away. That's great. That's lovely. I have another short one of yours. Oh, you have a lovely person who's putting Shahla is putting all of the URLs of the poems so that's okay. Thank you. I'm gonna check that one out. Shahla

Samantha Reynolds:

the designer if anyone Oh,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

well, yeah.

Samantha Reynolds:

She does all the artwork for all my poems. And not only that she does she posts everything for me. I couldn't do anything of it. Without her. She's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

amazing. If you go and look at Sam's Instagram account, you know, it's not just a blank space with some words on it. They're all designed with this beautiful artwork. And now we know that Shayla did it. And they're, they're great. Would you be able to read this one? Or is it too small for you?

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah, I mean, Word doc, with like,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

18. You're smiling.

Samantha Reynolds:

If I can, okay, I'm going to go away from the screen. Okay, growing pains. My son looked at his feet today, as though the long slabs of skin and bone had stretched beneath him overnight. And he said, tears at the edge of his voice, Mama, I'm getting so big, but my soul still feels so small.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That's lovely. Little goose. That's so lovely. And that, you know, that bittersweetness of they they're they're getting older, but they're still our children.

Samantha Reynolds:

And they still feel I know my kids like being little. They feel. They feel like they're stretching almost past their inner age or something like their inner age feels littler than their height? I don't know. Well, I

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

feel that way. I don't know about you, but like, I don't. Inside. I'm still I'm more the person I was at, like 12. I mean, I feel like that's when I don't know. It just does. And so sometimes you look around, you're like, Oh my God. I'm the grown up here now. You know, yeah, I'm in charge. But yeah, we are who we are. That's amazing. Um, I had another Oh, this is a question I wanted to ask you. And I hope you'll you'll be honest. Yeah. Of course, you're so honest all the time you told me about the tampons. So Have you ever missed a day and had to write two poems next day?

Samantha Reynolds:

Yes, totally.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Thank God because it's gonna be like, I don't know if I can live up to what I what I

Samantha Reynolds:

do. I'm a little Type A, And also, like, I, I feel like if I give myself permission to miss, then, like, it'll be like a slippery slope, and I'll stop. So what I do is I do like a scrap, like the scrappiest version, which truly might be like, you know, like one sentence like, it's like the start of something and it's just yeah, like I've fallen asleep before. Right and gotten up and been like, I don't have it in me to like, really, like re alert myself. But like, I'm just like, a little scrap comes out and then it's like, Okay, I've done I've done something. Yeah, yeah,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

sounds like So many things, you know, if you can just do a little bit of it, at least you tried that day, if you're trying to do something on a daily basis. A few I used to dance while growing up. And a few years ago, I started taking ballet again. And then during the pandemic, I started being like, I'm going to do zoom ballet every day. And I have done some kind of ballet every day since then. But sometimes it's literally like, you know, two minutes, hurry up, get on the floor and stretch. And then some days, it's the whole class, but at least you've like, Okay, I did something. I made forward movement. So and that applies to things like decluttering your house, all the other stuff we do every day, right? Just like a little movement.

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I think you're a very interesting person. And I wish you lived next door. And I'm going to be reading this every day from now on, you guys. You can find Sam her instagram name is Bent Lily, like the flower. And that's also your website, I believe is it bentlily.com You can go to bentlily.com. To learn more about her. There's merch there's like shirts and things you can buy with these beautiful poems on them. And I would have read more and more but I don't want people to be bored of me online. But I had a bunch that I loved. So thank you for talking with me. You guys go check out BentLily.com. And and be inspired that even if you're exhausted, even if you're fed up, you could do a little bit of something. A little bit of something for you today.

Samantha Reynolds:

Yeah, and thanks for just being so funny. Jen. That laughing is. Yeah, it's kind of everything. So often it's everything and Yeah, beautiful gift.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

You are so welcome. Thank you guys. And now of course I'm Jen from momcave mom cave tv.com and at mom cave on all the places and I don't write poems every day. I do try to do like a YouTube short or Tik Tok or an Instagram or Facebook reel every day and so you can check those out. And thank you. Thank you. It's good to talk to you. Okay, bye, everybody.