MomCave LIVE

Cynthia Hammer Living with Inattentive ADHD MomCave LIVE

• Jennifer Weedon MomCave and Cynthia Hammer

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Join us in this enlightening MomCave Live with author Cynthia Hammer, where we delve into the world of adult ADHD. Discover how TikTok has brought to light the underdiagnosis of women with ADHD and the importance of early recognition. Explore Cynthia's book, "Living with Inattentive ADHD," and gain insights into the life experiences of adults with ADHD. We also introduce you to a fascinating video game designed to enhance attention. Don't miss this insightful conversation about ADHD diagnosis, treatment, and living with this unique brain wiring.

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Jen: Hello, okay, we're live. Welcome, everyone, to MomCave LIVE, where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I'm Jen, and I have author Cynthia Hammer here with me tonight. We have so much to talk about. Hey, Cynthia.

Cynthia Hammer: Hi, Jen. It's nice to be with you again.

Jen: Thank you. Yeah, I was a guest on Cynthia's podcast just a little while ago, and I'll tell you all about that. But we'd like this to be interactive so we can read the comments. If you have any questions or comments, just pop them in there, and we'll be watching it and talking with everybody. So Cynthia wrote a book. First of all, congratulations on actually writing an entire book because not everyone can do that.

Cynthia Hammer: Well, especially if you have ADHD, it's a little hard to do. Yeah. I only did it because I was forced into isolation because of COVID.

Jen: Oh, we can all blame COVID for good and bad on many things. It made us do some things we wouldn't have otherwise done.

Cynthia Hammer: I think at least for women, I talked to a lot of women who figured out their ADHD because of COVID. So it was good in that way. They were home watching TikTok and Instagram, and they started recognizing themselves.

Jen: Right? Well, that is definitely what happened to me and some of my family. So I would love to talk about that. Before we do, I'll flash up the book, and the link to the book will be in the comments, but this is Cynthia's book. And when, oops, see, I'm having all my crazy things happen in here with my screen. We don't need to see you. Okay. So when, umm, there we go. Now we want you to be next to me. The technical difficulties, there we go. Okay, that's much better.



Read More Here: https://www.momcavetv.com/unlocking-the-secrets-of-adhd-momcave-live

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Hello. Okay, we're live. Welcome everyone to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds. But we have lost our sense of humor. And I'm Jen and I have author Cynthia hammer here with me tonight. And we have so much to talk about. Hey, Cynthia.

Cynthia Hammer:

Hi, Jen, nice to be with you again.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Thank you. Yeah, I was a guest on Cynthia's podcast just a little while ago. And I'll tell you all about that. But we'd like for this to be interactive. So we can read the comments. If you have any questions or comments, just pop them in there. And we will be watching it. And we'll be talking with everybody. So Cynthia wrote a book, first of all, congratulations on actually writing an entire book, because not everyone can do that.

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, and especially if you have ADHD, it's a little hard to do. Yeah. And I only did it because I was forced into isolation because of COVID.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Oh, I think we can all blame COVID Good and bad on many things. And yeah, it made us do some things we wouldn't have otherwise done. Well,

Cynthia Hammer:

I think I at least woman I talked to a lot of women figured out their ADHD because of COVID. So it was good in that way. They were home watching tik tok watching Instagram, and they started recognizing themselves.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Right? Well, that is definitely what happened to me and some of my family. So I would love to talk about that. Before we do, I'll flash up the book and the link to the book will it'll be in the comments, but this is Cynthia's book. And when oops, see, I'm having all my crazy things happen in here. With my screen. We don't need to see you. Okay. So when umm, there we go. Now we want you to be next to me. The technical difficulties, there we go. Okay, that's much better.

Cynthia Hammer:

Just slow motions, working slowly.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Sometimes when you have ADHD, it seems like your brain either is working too quickly for the situation or too slowly for the situation, but it's never on it.

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, someone wrote the other day, which I really responded to about how time differs. And they said, if you're getting ready to go someplace time is really short. But if you're waiting for some time is really long. That's true. That's so they were talking, you know, back and forth between when time seems to drag on forever. And when it goes by so quickly, you can't imagine you're running late. Right? And that's like Parenthood in general. It's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

like, some the days, you know, the facility cliche, the days feel so long.

Cynthia Hammer:

But the years especially when school gets out for the summer, those first few days of summer are really long.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

They're very long. I'm very rough. So let's get back to the ADHD talk. Okay, it seemed like you said it seemed like with the advent of Tik Tok, all of the sudden there were all of these people telling you about how adult women were not diagnosed at all or incorrectly diagnosed, that they had had ADHD. And everyone was sort of figuring it out by listening to each other's symptoms and experiences and going oh, that's me. I see that in me. Um, so do you think that the rates of ADHD have gone up, or just the rates of being diagnosed have gone up?

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, I'm reading that, even for autism and for ADHD, the symptoms were based on research done mostly on males. And so it's more natural that the males are getting drawn out. Besides that, the I can't say the girls don't have physical hyperactivity, but the men are more free to release their physical like hyperactivity, so they got diagnosed more often. And the average age of children getting diagnosed is seven. But that excluded all these girls that weren't getting diagnosed at all. And even now, we think only about 20% of the adults know that they have ADHD. So there's a big backlog.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

When Okay, When you say, have ADHD, to me, it's always like, that kind of sounds like, is it a not a disease, but it's a disorder. But what you have I guess, is a collection of symptoms are a way I'm not making any sense right now. But you know, I is it's not like I have this disease. It's more like I have these characteristics. of, that that's maybe the way my brain works. Is that correct?

Cynthia Hammer:

I would think so it's down to our brain wiring. And there are certain things that are harder for us to do. And maybe there are other things that are easier for us to do. But we're not, we're in a minority. So the world is mostly set up for people who don't have brains like us. And we're trying to say, hey, you know, just with a few adaptations, we'll function much better in situations where now we're often feeling ashamed or awkward. We're not sure how to proceed. So our organization is really into children getting diagnosed by the second grade, coming through life, knowing that you have this different brain. It's just it's a huge, it's a game changer.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah.

Cynthia Hammer:

I don't know if you've experienced that yet. Jennifer, because you said you've only been diagnosed a couple of years. But it usually takes more than a couple of years to really feel comfortable in a persona that incorporates your ADHD.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, I mean, to be very honest, there are still times where I'm like, Oh, is this a real thing? It's so it seems so trendy, especially with like, we were talking about the whole tik tok thing, and everyone and their every girl online girl, were women that every woman online is saying, I have ADHD now. And I was and I kind of some on Sundays doubt, like, is it just the trendy thing, you know, and then we get medicated? And it's kind of is it like in you know, back in the 50s? When housewives are depressed, so they were getting all kinds of drugs? I know what isn't that I know it isn't. But on my dark days, I'm like, maybe this isn't a thing. And even so I even doubt it, though I most definitely have

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, at least a lot of people that I talked to, it. they went through their lives knowing, feeling they were different. Yes. And so I think that's the first clue. You really felt different throughout your life without an explanation of why do I feel different? Dr. Dodson talks about people feeling like they didn't get the owner's manual, or they got the wrong owner's manual, they just aren't sure how to function, right in certain situations in our society. And then when they do really well, they have this variable performance, which adds to they're saying, you know, who am I? Am I this person who can do awesome things, but the next day, I turn around and do something dumb. Without the explanation of why that might happen in your life. You do absorb those comments, you're lazy, you're stupid. You're, you're not living up to your potential. And you have to say, Yeah, I agree. I'm not living up to my potential, but I don't know how to

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Right! So to me, I definitely I've always felt like, different but I just thought this is just me, this is the way I am. Something's wrong with me. I don't know what it is. But, you know, I can't I don't have the energy other people have I get overwhelmed so easily. I can't concentrate on one thing. And that's just, that's just me. And it's kind of this. That's a more negative way of feeling.

Cynthia Hammer:

Yeah, people end up saying it's my personality flaw. There were some people that said I thought it was normal, because my whole family was this way. So that was that was kind of refreshing to hear that you didn't feel alone. Right?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Well, that's good. If you if you don't feel alone. How common is it for it to run in families? Do you know the statistics on that?

Cynthia Hammer:

I think the research is that the likelihood is at 50%. One or the other parent has it is that genetic. And what I had heard 30 years ago, just from a practicing pediatrician, is that second to height. And you know how often we say oh, he inherited his height from his dad or inherited. They say that ADHD is the second most inheritable characteristic that they have found. So very, very common. And beyond that, though, if you don't have ADHD in your family, you might have autism. You might have Bipolar, there are lots of, I guess, parts of the brain where things could just be wired differently. And so there's a complex of disorders, I guess you'd call it that could run in families.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah. And how if you don't mind me asking How old were you when you were diagnosed?

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, it was 30 years ago. Almost 31. Want to be 80 next Tuesday. Oh, congratulations. And I got diagnosed when I was 49. Oh, and I was diagnosed, which happens the same way happens now with a lot of adult is their child was Yeah. Certainly before any internet to go and find some getting diagnosed, and they learned about it and figured this is me also. Okay. But when I was diagnosed, I was ashamed and sad. And I thought I was the only adult in America that knew they had ADHD. Yeah. So. So when I found one other person, and when I found a book, there was only one book then there was no, it wasn't even it was before driven to distraction. group to talk about. Yes, Right. Right. Yeah. So having one person in my my state, and then we went to a conference together, which was the first conference for adults. That was, that was the start. Wow, wow.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Do you think your life would have been very different if you had been diagnosed as a child?

Cynthia Hammer:

So I first up off, they say people with ADHD have terrible memory. So it's hard for me to remember except certain episodes that stand out in my childhood. So it's hard for me to say, I know that I wasn't the best student, I was always a B student with an A and gym, in college, I was a C student with an A with a, B and PE. So I don't know if I would have been a better student. I always wondered why I wasn't a better student I wanted to be my brother and sister were both in the top classes in their school. So as far as my generation, and maybe my dad's upbringing, but he said we could become a nurse or a teacher. So even though I think I would have enjoyed being an attorney, now that I look back on it, yeah, I don't think my parents would have steered me in that direction. And it was a joke when I went to college, but it was mostly you go to college to get an Mrs.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Mrs. didn't meet the husband. And did you? Did you meet your husband in college?

Cynthia Hammer:

So in a way it was kind of an off and on relationship? Yes.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

experience than you as a child. And and anyone who's watching if you want to jump in and tell us if you see this, what you see in yourself or your kids, um, I wasn't an I was a straight A student, I had the highest SAT score that my high school ever had. My amazing and I loved school. But it was because I was. And that's why I think, you know, no, I was not diagnosed. Nobody thought of it.

Cynthia Hammer:

And maybe that's why you question it too. Because you're told if you're smart, you can't have ADHD, which is a myth,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Right. But if you if you ever talked to my mother, she will tell you all kinds of things. Like, she used to always say, Jennifer leaves, trails everywhere, meaning I just have piles of stuff. And I'm very, like, if something gets put away, I'll forget it exists. So I have to have it there to see it to tell me to do something. And then those pile up. Because I don't I'm not the best judge of time, or prioritizing, all of the sudden, it just looks like bombs have gone off. And I think it was a good student, because I overcompensated in all of all of these ways. And my brain was going so quickly. And I put a lot of my angst into, well, if I just study harder if I just do this, and I'm memorize these things. And I think I would have been maybe more relaxed if I knew that I had ADHD.

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, I'm wondering when you are a good student do get benefits from that. Did you tell yourself I'm smart? I'm a good student, you know, did that kind of balance some of the negative things going on?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

In many times? You know, there were times where I was proud. And I was I was happy that I was a good student and I was being recognized for it. But there was always this belief in the back of like, yeah, I can be really smart like I can pass tests and I can be really smart but deep down they don't know that I am a disaster.

Cynthia Hammer:

Oh, you felt like an imposter? Yeah, well for me, I I was too unaware. I tell people I was too on our were to mask but when I tried to go for college interviews, and I don't know if they still do them in person. The person asked me why my score on my SATs varied between 150 points between one year and the next year. I and she said Didn't you feel well that way that that day? I had no explanation. But when I got diagnosed, I realized that's tied in with probably anxiety. Variable performance. Yeah, you can't explain why some days you're on and some days you're off. No.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Do you deal with like, a lot of energy ups and downs? And

Cynthia Hammer:

I know you talked about that. I used to need to take naps a lot. And I can't say now that I'm back having allergy problems, which also from research is more prevalent and people with ADHD theres a lot of health conditions. So lucky. Yeah, we get the whole the whole ball of wax. I know. I mean, we do get apparently more health problems because we don't aren't consistent. We don't follow the doctor's directions. It's hard for us to follow a diet, it's hard for us to go get exercise. That regularity is hard for us. So now I don't need I think my energy is good all day long. Well,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That so great. Yeah. Yeah. When we talked, I guess I just touched on that. That was like the thing that kept my whole life has been I've been a low energy person. And I get a ton done, and I'm really productive. But then I just crash. And I feel like if I don't take a nap, I'm going to be ill. I'm going to die. Right. And so yeah,

Cynthia Hammer:

Just being worn out. And it was hard for me to understand when you said that, how medicine makes the difference? Um, I said, like having coffee, or is it less anxiety? Because anxiety can wear you out too?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, I think that what what wears me out is that my brain is going so quickly and can't focus on one thing, and I'm trying to do all these things at once. And they all seem equally important. Sewing calm, calm, medication kind of calms that down. It doesn't change much about who I am, or anything. It just, I just kind of the first time I took it, I went oh, like it like it was like a buzz kind of stopped, like the background noise kind of stopped a little bit. Yeah.

Cynthia Hammer:

So for a lot of people, when they take medication, they don't even see the difference because they just feel normal. Maybe they feel like their best selves.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Crappy when you're not on the medication, your life,

Cynthia Hammer:

More the time.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, yeah, that's definitely true for me and coffee definitely helps. I know that. Caffeine is sort of a self medicating thing.

Cynthia Hammer:

So you drink a lot of coffee, or

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I try not to drink too much. I drink a cup in the morning. And I my routine, I definitely always have a cup in the morning and a cup at 5pm. Oh, wow, you have a routine. Yeah, that's my coffee routine. And I love it. That the one to 5pm is like a yummy vanilla latte coffee. So I look forward to it. And then on days that I'm really, really busy and exhausted, I sometimes will have a cup in the middle there or a cup of tea. But I definitely feel a difference. I wanted to talk a little bit about something that you introduced me to. After we did our talk on your podcast, you emailed me and you said, um, there's this thing, and I think that it might be helpful for you. I'm not selling it. I'm not paid to tell you this. And I've heard of it before, but I've never thought of really, really giving it a try. Can you just briefly say what that is about? That is?

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, I guess I met someone connected with the company and as a favor to him. I said I'd try it. And so for me, if I tell someone something that helps me to get to do it. But I can't say that I would have persisted as much as I did without having told someone not to video game that's on your cell phone. I don't know what the price is a month. But its purpose. It's been scientifically constructed to improve someone's attention. It's not supposed to replace medication. Right. But it does improve someone's attention. And I've played since mid July every day. Yeah. And I have I did I feel like it improved my attention. And that boring tasks that I needed to do for my organization. I could persist with almost all day long. And I would think prior to doing this, I kind of persisted like that. Yes. So I say

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

the ADHD brain gets bored very quickly and boredom is just like hell for us. So right

Cynthia Hammer:

Right and so I, it is kind of boring, because you're manipulating this guy on a little raft going down to stream and he's got these fountains he's supposed to hit. And then every now and then something that you've been told ahead of time to remember, and you're in real trouble. If you don't remember, you need to remember that target. So when it appears you zap the target. Yeah, and if you're zapping the wrong target, or if you're not zapping quickly enough, you don't get to move to the next level. Yeah, there's all those little rewards that you want to be successful. Yeah,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I found it really interesting. I was reading a little bit about it. And apparently this has been clinically tested and used for children before before this version, we're talking about the adult version, and it's called an endeavour OTC. But the the Endeavour for children was approved by the FDA as an ADHD treatment, which blows my mind that the FDA, FDA approves a video game. Yeah,

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, I think it blew a lot of people's minds and they questioned it. But now that it's out for adults, it's just over the counter. They're working to try to make it approved by the FDA. But I forgot what I was gonna say.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That's okay. Because things come and go. Well, I've been trying it's I don't know, it's been a week or two. And I don't know.

Cynthia Hammer:

Usually they say you have to stick with it for six months, six weeks, six weeks, drawback, and they haven't I unable to tell you this yet, is you don't know what you have to do to continue. I mean, I got to a certain level, which is like 50% of the highest you could get I get, and I'm plateauing. They say at some point you plateau really well, is they say it's like exercise for the body. So now that I plateaued, what do I have to do to maintain it? Do I still do it every day? I don't want to, you know, five minutes a day, or you know, what do I do to maintain? That's interesting. I don't want to lose what I've acquired, but I don't want to keep giving 25 minutes a day to maintain either.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, I wonder if they'll figure that out? Yeah,

Cynthia Hammer:

They're working on it now. Yeah,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That's awesome. Um, the book is living with inattentive ADHD. I read it, it was great. It was a good book. And I was enjoying it. And I was reading it pretty calmly. I was actually had a few days off. And I was trying to relax and have a vacation. So I'm reading this book. And I won't give anything away. Well, I got to a part of the book. And I was gutted. And I'm sure you know what part I'm referring to. And so that was very touching for me. And it was surprising. And, yes, this the way that ADHD can affect our lives is is massive. So anybody's watching and they are looking for resources. Go to Cynthia's she's up. Are you the founder? What's your title? You're the founder, you're the president.

Cynthia Hammer:

Well, we say the executive director of a nonprofit now called the inattentive ADHD coalition. And we have a website with a lot of good articles on it. We have videos there, but we also have videos on a YouTube channel. And Jennifer is I just posted her video today. Oh, if you want to go see her interview with Katherine Allison, who's a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist, she also has ADD, but the combined type. So as I go along, I'm gathering people that well, yeah, I'm giving a presentation at a bookstore for University of Washington and the person there that you know, chose me she has inattentive ADHD, so I think Jennifer has it so that's how I'm getting my speaking engaged. People Yeah. Yeah.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Are you as strange as me like that? Oh, you are okay. Well, now we'll help each other up. It's kind of Yes. Yeah. Yeah, go go visit her side ay.

Cynthia Hammer:

Amazon, it should be available at all your bookstores.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

And let me make sure I can put it I'm going to it should come up in the should come up in the comments when I do this.

Cynthia Hammer:

Yeah, maybe now that I've heard bad things about Amazon. I hate to tell people to go there to buy my book. So ask for it at your library or ask your local bookstore. to buy it because I've I'm hearing that Amazon doesn't have some well innocent and proven guilty I guess there are cases out there that they kind of force people to not give a better price for their product anywhere else.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Well, I'm kind of addicted to Amazon so me to nothing stops me that the UPS man comes here every day pretty much my daughter is like, Oh, let's see UPS man. What is what are we getting now?

Cynthia Hammer:

Oh, not that the prime delivery person. No,

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I'm too rural for that. So that shipping takes a little longer to get to me.

Cynthia Hammer:

Oh, yeah. Next day or?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

No, we get two days, two days out here in the boonies. But I put the URL to the book right in the comments there. And I thank you for writing it and for finding me and keep doing what you're doing. You're you have a great mission. Thank you.

Cynthia Hammer:

Yep, we're done.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I think we're about done. Okay, thank you so much.

Cynthia Hammer:

Thank you.